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I used to think I was a good listener because I was a good problem solver.

Someone would tell me what was wrong and I'd have an answer for them the moment they’d finish their sentence. For a while, I thought I was being the hero by coming to their rescue. They had an issue. I had the solution. Problem solved.

It took me many failed relationships to learn that wasn’t helpful.

In fact, it made me exhausting to share things with. It’d push people away.

What I had come to realize is most of the time, people aren't handing us a problem to fix. They're handing us a feeling to be understood.

And the second you jump to fixing it, you've told them the feeling didn't matter as much as the solution.

When I started to learn how to truly listen, conversations changed.

I was able to let people open up more, go deeper into what was really bothering them and ask how they needed support, not offer up ideas freely.

Once I saw it in my relationships, I couldn't unsee it on sales calls.

Tell me if this sounds familiar…

A buyer says, "we're struggling with _________"

And you get all giddy and warm inside. You know THIS thing like the back of your hand. You've solved this exact thing before. You know you can solve it for them.

So you start walking them through the framework, pointing out the gaps you're already spotting in how they described it. You’re educating, and coaching and spitting fire!

Heck, maybe you even share your screen and start demoing your product and service.

They love it. They're nodding along, asking more questions and just enthralled with what you are saying.

But, you know how this story ends.

The call time evaporates, they have to rush to another meeting and then you’re in chase mode.

You have:

Maybe you could help them. That’s a real possibility.

But, you never took the time to understand what was really bothering them to get to that point.

Nobody thinks of themselves as a bad listener. You think you're being helpful, engaged, even generous with your expertise.

That's what makes this one sneaky. It doesn't feel like a mistake while you're making it.

It feels like you're doing a good job.

I mean they do have a problem after all. They shared it with you. You’re just showing them you can solve it, right?

The tell is in what happens right after someone finishes talking.

Do you ask one more question about what they just said?

Or do you already have your next move teed up up before they stopped talking?

If you're already ready to fire, you weren't listening. You were waiting for your turn to interject.

In my own relationships, the shift wasn't complicated. It was actually rather simple (not easy!)

It was just uncomfortable at first. I had to sit with what they just said and not try to fill the silence.

And I certainly didn’t need to conjure up a solution prematurely.

Because, a solution might not have been the answer right then.

And it’s the same with your buyers.

You don’t know what they need until you understand the scope of why they are here, what they are going through and what they might be looking for.

So, until we get that, we listen.

We listen for key moments of frustration.

We listen for vague statements.

We listen for dates and times.

And when we listen, truly listen, without something queued up to respond with, we can seek to understand.

We can start to remove ambiguity.

And we begin to sort out what help they actually need.

Then, and only then, can we start to suggest solutions to those problems.

I’m not saying you’re a bad listener because you don’t care.

One could argue it’s because you care too much. You’re great at helping people solve this exact same problem so the second someone starts explaining theirs, your brain is already three steps ahead building the fix.

It’s why I focused on patience two issues ago and the need to confirm and recap last week.

You’re too fast to solve. Too fast to speed up the process and get to the finish line.

But, “the process” is what makes great partnerships happen.

Doing nothing (meaning not talking, or solving or coaching) is actually the right move.

Because I’ve said it before, sales is about helping the buyer buy, not you selling something.

You can’t help them if you don’t understand them.

That rule applies across all of your relationships, especially the new ones forming in your sales conversations.

So slow down.

Be patient.

Listen.

Seek understanding.

It’s not hard, it’s just uncomfortable.

Find a recording of your last three sales calls. (you should be recording all of them!)

Listen back (or view the recording timeline) and estimate roughly what percent of the call was you talking versus them?

That’s your first indicator if you are listening.

Because, if you are, their talk time will far outweigh yours.

Then, on your next call, when you feel the urge to solve, ask one more question based on what they just said.

Then, listen while they answer.

You'll feel like you're doing nothing but you’re not.

You're finally doing the thing you've been skipping this whole time.

Need to get a quick W? Let me roast one of your sales calls so you can get immediate & actionable feedback to use on your very next call → Get Roasted Now

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